Greenlights

BY MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY

In one line: One of my favorite books to revisit annually to find new bites of inspiration and motivation; MMC is one of the greatest story tellers of our time, hands down.

In one more line: A couple highlights…Change I would if I could to “I can and I am”; we’re not here to tolerate our differences, we’re here to accept them; ask yourself if you want to before you do…enjoy this gold mine.

• We’re all gonna step in shit, it’s about learning how to scrape the shit off your boots when you do

Many of the answers to your questions and problems are in your journals about life.

• I have a lot of proof that the world is conspiring to make me happy; I’ve always gotten away with more in my life than in my dreams

• Red lights often give us what we need; catching green lights is about skill—being able to identify where the red lights are in our life to catch more green lights and make your life have less resistance

• Everything is part of the plan — sometimes things go the way we planned and sometimes they don’t and we have to audible, and that’s part of the plan—”the Audubon of life”

• 3 rules: don’t hate, lie, or say I can’t

• We need discipline, guidelines, context in any new endeavor, it’s the time to sacrifice, to learn, to observe, if and when we get knowledge then we can let our freedom fly

• There’s bullshitters and there’s liars. The difference is the bullshitter lets you know he’s lyin while the liar tries to hide their bullshit

The future is the monster—the unknown, the one way collision course, the boundaries not yet crossed, we need to look it in the face and watch it heat

• The past is just something were trying to outrun tomorrow

• We are not here to tolerate our differences, we are here to accept them

• Less impressed, more involved—become less impressed with yourself, your things, your job, your life and more involved in everything that’s happening

• “One in row” – everything has to start with doing one thing right

Change “I would if I could” to “I can and I am.”

• Give no choice, play so well it is undeniable

• Want her don’t need her; the answers are what we need, the questions are what we want

• Most of the time it’s not stolen, its right where you left it

• Ask yourself if you want to, before you do

• If you’re up to nothin, no good is usually what follows next

• Sometimes which choice you make is not as important as making a choice and sticking to it

• Educate before you indict

• Some people look for reasons to do, some look for reasons not to do

• Just because somethings popular doesn’t mean it sucks

• Tribes – we all want lovers, friends, affiliations, etc. that support who we are.

People who believe in themselves want to survive; initially this is a visual choice–the where, what, who and when to our why; upon closer inspection, we learn to measure people on the competence of their values that we most value…when we do this the politics of gender, race, and slang take a back seat to the values

• The more we travel the more we realize how similar our human needs are to everyone else (community, to be loved, family, something to look forward to)

• Travel and humanity are the greatest educator as they help you understand other peoples values

“Engage with yourself and then engage with the world.”

• We have to prepare to have freedom; we have to prepare for the job so we can be free to do the work

• We must learn the consequence of negligence; it’s not just what we do, it’s what we don’t do that’s important; we are guilty by omission

• “If only” means you wanted something and didn’t get it for some reason either by your own incompetence or the world intervened. Sometimes that’s just the breaks and we need to bow out gracefully, but more often we don’t get what we want because we quit early or we didn’t take the necessary risks to get it

• The more boots we put in the back of our if only’s the more we get what we want; don’t walk the “it’s too late, its too soon” tight rope till you die

“Made for the moment” – we are all made for every moment we encounter, regardless of what is happening or the outcome.

• Becoming voyeurs of our moment prevents us from performing as well as were capable of, we let them become bigger than us, becoming less involved and more impressed with it; this happens because when we give a person/place/event more credit than ourselves, we create a fictitious ceiling over the expectations we have of ourselves in that moment, we get tense and focus on the outcome instead of the activity and when we miss the doing of the deed, we think the world depends on it or its too good to be true, but it doesn’t and it isn’t — don’t create imaginary constraints–if we stay in process in the joy of the doing we will never choke at the finish line because we are performing in real time where the approach is the destination and there is no goal line because there is no finish

“When we latch onto the idea that were going to die we suddenly have more presence in this one.”

• Noise-Signal Ratio, Solitude & “Walkabouts” — we are unnaturally bombarded by constant stimuli–we need to put ourselves in places of decreased sensory input so we can hear the background of our psychological processes; as the noise decreases the signals become clear, we can hear ourselves again

Time alone simplifies the heart, memory catches up, opinions form, we meet truth again and it teaches us. Because our unconscious mind has room to reveal itself, we see it again — it dreams, perceives, and thinks in pictures which we can now observe — in our solitude we then begin to think in pictures and actualize what we see–our souls become anonymous again and we realize we are stuck with the one person we can never get rid of, ourselves.

• An honest mans pillow is his peace of mind and no matter whos in our bed each night, we always sleep with ourselves

• We either forgive or get sick and tired–this is the evolution

• Now, with nowhere to run and forced to deal with ourselves, our ugly everyday self impressions break out of the zoo and monkey around where we find ourselves in the ring with them deciding either no more or to let it slide

• Whatever the verdict, we grow; we tend to ourselves and get back into our good graces and then we return to civilization better able to tend to our tendencies because we took a walkabout

• The Art of Running Downhill – don’t trip yourself while running downhill; that mountain you wanna climb is just around the corner, don’t invent drama, it will come on its own

• Sometimes we have to leave what we know, to find out what we know

• The Truth – first, we have to put ourselves in the right place to receive the truth; the noisy world with its commitments, deadlines and to do lists make it hard to get clarity so we have to consciously put ourselves in place to receive clarity.  Then, after we’re in place to hear the gospel and music, we have to be aware enough to receive it, conscious enough to recognize it. It will arrive nameless because it is clear, omnipresent, and imminent–usually lands like a butterfly, quick and quiet; when we let it in, it needs no introduction, then the relationship can begin–we need the presence to personalize it–this is where the anonymous truth gets intimate and becomes autonomous–we ask ourselves what it means and why its here now; then comes the harder part–having the patience to preserve it, getting it from intellect into our bones, soul and instinct; we must pay attention to it–it takes time and commitment and if we make it this far, then comes the coup de grâce–having the courage to live it–actually walk away from that place where it found us, take the truth with us into the screaming arena of our daily lives, practice it and make it an active part of who we are, then we are on our way to heaven on earth…what we want becomes what we need OR what we need is what we want

• I’ve never cared much for destinations, its to finite for my sense of imagination; gimme a 16 lane highway and I prefer to see life as a river

• Common Sense – its like money and health, once you have it, you have to work to keep it

• No one gets in trouble for what they do, they get in trouble for gettin’ caught, the art is in getting away with it, the outlaw lives in the center cruising through the slipstream

• Travel & New Places – to appreciate a place fully, a man must know that he can live there; when all of his discomforts disappear and he lets himself be owned by the place, he needs to customize and localize himself to the place he’s visiting to the degree he knows he could stay forever, then and only then is it acceptable to leave; wherever you are, wherever you are, give the place the justice it deserves

• I am good at what I love, I don’t love all that I’m good at it

• “Turn the page” – Great leaders are not always in front; they also know who to follow; you ever get stuck on the merry-go-round of a bad habit? we will all make mistakes; own them, make amends and move on, guilt and regret have killed many of men, get off the ride, you are the author of your own life, turn the page

“Law of Attraction” – the arrow does not seek the target, the target draws the arrow; we must be aware of what we attract in life because it is no accident or coincidence, the spider waits in its web for dinner to come; yes we must chase what we want and seek it out, but sometimes we don’t need to make things happen, our souls are infinitely magnetic.

• Simplify, focus and conserve to liberate

• A great man is not all to each, he is each to all; a genius can do anything, but does one thing at a time

• “If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” – Matthew 6:22; meaning we are full of light, our conscience is generous; the eye is reference to a spiritual or guiding metaphorical eye

• Man is never more masculine then after the birth of his first child, not macho, masculine; after his first born, a new fathers head, heart and gut are more aligned then they’ve ever been; his five sense one the same frequency, his intuition is in tune; he should engrave any instinct he has for the next 6 months–personal, career, financial, spiritual–trust that he knows and can tell the future because for the first time in his life he’s living for the future and the future is living for him, bet it all and sweep the board

• Grand kids are twice as nice and half the work

• Our choices matter, it’s not all for nothin, its all for everything

• It’s not a risk unless you can lose the fight

• “I don’t work for them, I work for you.”

Money & Being Self-ish – when I’m rich enough to not care about the money, when a child’s life is more important than my own, when my self-worth isn’t reliant on the adulation of others, when I don’t care anymore to outscore my desires, I look near and within and get self-ish.  This is measure of a man’s greatness, when a man becomes classic, when mortal rewards are no longer enough to pay his rent, man becomes legend.  Fish for yourself–self-ish.

• “Don’t half ass it”

• If we all made sense of humor the default emotion, we’d all get along a lot better

Relationships & Honeymoon – trying to maintain a honeymoon glow in a relationship is a fools errand and unfair to the two partners–a 120W bulb that burns too hot to last. No one can live up to the pedestal if we always put them on one. The honeymoon, like hollywood is larger than life, not a reality we should expect to see once we exit the theatre.  Where we live, where our humanity, secrets, scars, hopes, failures, fears reside – this is what comes after the credits roll, where real love cares, hurts, understands, falls down and gets back up; where it’s not easy but we get to honestly try; its called a honeymoon because its the birth, the first time, not a marriage, it’s not attainable or sustainable.

• Marriage does not steal the individual sense of self, rather enlightens and informs it, when they come together to marry, they each arrive as one whole being; we don’t lose half ourselves, we become more of ourselves

Success – define it for yourself…even our cultural values have been financialized; humility is not in vogue anymore, it’s too passive; the question we need to ask ourselves is what is success to us? continue to ask yourself that question–how are you prosperous?  what is your relevance?  your answer may change over time and that’s fine, but whatever your answer is, don’t choose anything that would jeopardize your soul; prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character; don’t depend on drinking the kool-aid, its popular — tastes sweet today but will give you cavities tomorrow; life is not a popularity contest, be brave, take the hill…but first answer the question, what’s my hill?

• Truth is like a jalapeno.  The closer you get to the root the hotter it gets

• Voluntary obligations–the ones we make with ourselves–faith-based responsibilities that we make on our own, that define our constitution and character –our personal jiminy crickets and there are not enough cops in the world to police them, it’s on us

• Time and truth – two constants you can rely on; one shows up for the first time every time, while the other, never leaves

• Live Your Legacy Now…

• Places are like people; they all have an identity….think about writing a love letter for places that speak to you

• Praying – it’s a time to take inventory, take a look from high and wide at ourselves, loved ones and our mortality; a time to smile upon our blessings, humble our selfish yearnings, embrace those we know are in need with compassion and see them in our minds eye as their most true selves; a snapshot down memory lane of those we know and care for when they were most themselves, not the happiest or proudest or saddest or reflective, but that image of them when we see, without advertisement or desire, their light shine thin and finally see ourselves the same before we see amen, when we are who we are and no one else

After reflecting on my life I realized that realizations arrived quickly, the learning took time and the living was the hardest part

• Learn the value of values early on in your life

• Double down on what feeds you, create more green lights to pass through and eliminate yellow and red lights; give the green lights more power to shine by learning to live

• If the message is true, don’t forget it and forget the messenger, even if he does

• Parenting & Kids – Rather than cover your kids eyes from ugly truths, cover their eyes from fictional fantasies that will handicap their ability to negotiate tomorrows reality, I believe they can handle it.  Its hard to find constants, natural laws, universal truths in life but when we have kids there is no intellectual discussion or philosophy of how to or how much to love, protect and guide them, its an instinctual commitment, an immediate, infinite and ever-growing responsibility, a privilege, a greenlight

• The best path is one that leads us to having more values and competence, values are not only guiding principles and fundamental ethics that bring people together; when we are competent at our values and place more value on competence, we create a more valuable society and that means more return on our investment, ourselves

• I haven’t made all A’s the art of living, but I give a damn and I’ll take an experienced C over an ignorant A any day; I’ve always believed that the science of satisfactions is about learning when and how to get a handle on the challenges we face in life; when you can design your own weather, blow in the breeze, when you’re stuck in the storm, pray for luck and make the best of it

• We all have scars and we’re gonna get more so rather than struggle against time and waste it, lets dance time and redeem it because we don’t live longer when we try not to die, we live longer when we’re too busy living

• Life is our resume, it is our story to tell and the choices we make write the chapters; can we live in a way where we look forward to looking back? Inevitably, we are going to die…begin with the end in mind.

Be an egotistical utilitarian
Find and keep the woman for me
Chase your best self
Take more risks
Stay close to mom and family
Look back and enjoy the view