I was writing in my journal last Friday as I do most mornings, and I found myself rattling through innumerable random and thought-provoking questions. Maybe they weren’t actually random, I don’t know. But, what I do know, is that they have jolted something from deep within that has stuck with me since.
It was an experience I’ve had before…you ever wake up on a seemingly normal morning during a rather typical or mundane week of routine living and all of sudden feel something is awry? As if in one moment, everything was totally fine and in the next moment, a bolt of lightning strikes through your soul, prompting inquisitions and questions like “What the hell am I doing with my life?” Most of the time, these thoughts or feelings are transient, and it’s important to distinguish that we are not our thoughts or feelings because that can be a powerful burden, letting the tail wag the metaphorical dog. Well, this is kind of what I experienced last week and it seems to be ushering me through a set of queries worth exploring, so I wanted to share…note that this is raw, unpolished stream of consciousness from my journal, not some Geoffrey Chaucer prose….
“…the days flash by at a velocity that’s incomprehensible. My mind starts to wander…
- Am I squandering my time, my life?
- Am I lost in work?
- Am I distracted by trivial things, a slave to whatever screams the loudest or pulls at me strongest for attention?
- Am I wasting my life chasing monetary incentives?
- Am I addicted to new experiences? Why can’t I accept a normal day like a normal person? Am I normal? What is normal? Who created that word anyway? Is anyone normal?
- Am I avoiding doing real meaningful work? Am I afraid?
- Can I scratch my own itch and create something that makes the painful experiences I have had in the recent past more pleasant for future generations, wanderlusts, rovers?
- Why have I been avoiding writing?
- What am I holding onto in my life that’s not working, that’s not filling my life with joy, fulfillment?
- Am I miserable? Do I complain too much? Am I actually grateful? What does “gratitude” mean today anyway?
- Am I joyful? Am I happy?
- Does anything I do matter? Why do we do the things we do?
- What am I avoiding that’s inevitable in my life?
- Am I in service? Do I create more value than I extract in a society that is focused almost entirely on extraction? Am I the same?
- Am I afraid to be alone? Can I be alone? Do I need to be alone? I think I read recently that it’s not the quantity, but the quality of connection…do I agree with that? Who said that?
- Am I a good Business Partner? Lover? Friend? Brother? Son? Boss? Leader? Colleague? Stranger? Volunteer?
- Am I afraid of my truth? In life? In work? In relationships? In friendships?
- Am I a pessimist or an optimist? Why? How did I end up that way? Is it my predisposition? Does it matter? Can I change it?
- Am I stuck in patterns?
- Am I lying to myself? To others? Why?
- Am I afraid of change? Am I changing too much? Am I just a chameleon? Or am I stubborn and stuck in my ways, an old dog?
- Am I strong–mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically?
- Do I love myself? Does anyone love me?
- Why do questions always lead to more questions? Why do we use the word always when almost nothing in the world is “always” anything?
- Am I having an existential crisis? A mid-life crisis? Am I okay? I’m totally fine, right?
- Am I sharing too much? Too little?
- Are you judging me right now? Are you judging yourself? Is this a meta question? Does it matter? Why do people care what others think? Do I? Does it matter?
- Is curiosity the ultimate super power?
- Is everyone really the same in the end? We all just go back to the mud when it’s over?
- What is the meaning of life? Is the meaning of life just searching for the meaning of life? That kind of seems like a worth enough meaning, doesn’t it?
Philoso-Feed 