A Social Contract for Seamless Travel with People You Love

I have been incredibly fortunate to travel all over our planet and share experiences with friends, family, lovers, and even strangers. Taking a trip with someone can feel like jumping into a short-term living situation or an intimate relationship. It’s a powerful mirror. It forces you to collaborate with other humans, create a plan, communicate effectively, and understand more deeply your needs & desires. Often, your passions & strengths will come to life, along with your short comings. Be prepared for this to lead to unnecessary tension from time to time.

With that said, some fun questions come to mind as I ponder this and travel really need not be nearly as stressful as most people make it out to be…Are you the Bulldozer Alpha or the Passive Beta? Are you the excel spreadsheet lunatic or demand everyone use google docs? Are you the one who only responds after being followed up with 18x or never respond at all? Do you shut down when someone acts or speaks a certain way? Do you have trouble managing your triggers and emotions? Do you obsess over planning every minute of every day? Do you refuse to plan anything because decision-making paralyzes you or you’re just lazy? Are you afraid to do things alone? Do you try to save every penny every step of the way? Do you freak out the second something goes wrong, or best laid plans don’t work out the way you hoped? Are you paranoid about danger? Do you struggle to speak your needs?  Do you say yes when you really mean no? I could go on and on and on, which is why I wanted to create a simple framework to share with all my future travel partners. I think this will lead to having the best possible adventures with as little tension and frustration possible. A simple social contract, because one of the best ways to dilate time is to make deep memories & impressions through new experiences with people you love.

“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” – Mark Twain

Here’s a short set of groundrules you can feel free to steal, amend, or use for your own shared adventures:

1. It’s possible for everyone’s needs to be met at least 80% of the time (ex pre-planned commitments, tours, things with mandatory attendance)—everyone has the greenlight to take their space/quiet time/down time, roll solo, go on a date, diverge from the group, do some work, read a book, follow their intuition, or do whatever they’re feeling most called to in virtually every moment—USE YOUR VOICE, EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPIER IF YOU ARE DOING WHAT BRINGS A SMILE TO YOUR FACE (INCLUDING YOU). Some simple direct language that might help: “I need/am in the mood for _____(food/healthy/salty/savory/sweet, sleep, something calm, something crazy, advil, etc.).” “I’m a ____ (8, 4, 10) out of 10 _____ (hungry, tired, energized, irritated, etc.)   
2. “I don’t care,” “Whatever you want,” “Sure/Whatever,” “No, I don’t want to (without a counter proposal)”—language in the no fly zone…if you want to have the best possible travel experience with others, have an opinion, do a little research, stop relying on someone else to figure everything out for you, and contribute—don’t be “that guy” (the leech)
3. Be flexible with plans & leave lots of open space—these are the ingredients which form the arcs of unforgettable experiences–it gives way to spontaneity and usually the best stories & memories are the result of questionable decisions and random unplanned whacky adventures that spiral & compound from a series of completely improbable random-chance domino effects
4. If you’re traveling on a budget or simply prefer to keep expenses within a certain range, communicate it directly, clearly, and at the onset of plans being established…and then, remind everyone so we can be considerate of each other. No one is interested in pushing you to overspend on things you can’t afford.  
5. Lottery—Choose 1, Choose Many, Don’t Choose Wisely–Say yes, go for it, let it rip, do it, just do it right fuckin now, laugh your ass off, smile all the time, talk to strangers, lean into your discomfort, learn about the local culture, history, customs and language, play games, be creative, ask questions, be curious, dance your pants off, do things you’ve never done before.   

Remember, it doesn’t matter where you’re going, but rather who you’re going with that makes it worthwhile. Life is meant for making deep impressions with your closest friends and family and there are few better ways to do that than travel. Do things that are awesome with people who are awesome so you can see the world through their lens and expand your perspectives. And make your primary objective fun. As the famed soldier of fortune, Nicomo Cosca once said, “have a smile for breakfast and you’ll be shittin’ joy for lunch.”