Lessons at 36

Since I was born on the 12th day of the month, I wanted to break these out into 12 lessons with 3 salient themes–Relationships, Happiness & Inner-Peace.

It’s been a year of deep learning, growth and reflection. This is always a fun way to look forward to looking back. If you don’t want to read past here, something you can take with you for perhaps the day, a week, a month or a year is the most important belief I’ve adopted over the last 12 months–that the primary purpose of life is to create shared memories with people you love.

Random tidbits…always ask for discounts, being kind is free, compliment strangers and friends every time the opportunity is presented, you don’t need a reason to give someone a gift…the rest, enjoy.

1. RELATIONSHIPS
2. HAPPINESS — You were born on the road to happiness and then society redirected you
3. INNER-PEACE

RELATIONSHIPS

1. We get what we tolerate
2. Learning to let flow and let go of people is one of the great challenges at middle age–peace is on the other side of resistance and no relationship survives without reciprocity
3. Fill your life with unstructured agenda-free time with friends
4. Plan legendary parties, events, and trips and be overly generous in the process–you’ll never forget the memories you create and you’ll never remember how much it cost (HT @KKelly)
5. “The right partner should put everything else in your life on easy mode.” – Unknown
6. Create a culture of honest feedback with the people you spend the most time with–the deeper the relationship the more important vocalizing hard truths becomes
7. Every day, tell at least one person you love something vulnerable & specific that you see & appreciate in them
8. If you’re experiencing tension or conflict, the easiest way to resolve it is to make a bid to repair as quickly as possible. But remember, after a 2nd chance, you don’t owe people 3rd, 4ths and 5ths
9. Trade pride, strife, resentment and anger for a hug, a joke, a smile, or a dance
10. Fools talk while the wise listen
11. Send/give your mom/dad/sister/brother/best friend/wife/husband/son/daughter/nana/papa a hand written note or postcard with a printed photo telling them how much you see, love and care about them
12. There is a fine line between generosity & being taken advantage of

HAPPINESS — You were born on the road to happiness and then society redirected you

1. The key to happiness is learning how to be present. The key to being present is learning how to be honest. The key to being honest is getting comfortable with hard truths. The key to getting comfortable with hard truths is reminding yourself of the payoff–the people that remain in your life even after you live and speak your honest truth will be the people who energize & endlessly enrich your life
2. Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want (HT @NAVAL)
3. We’ll always regret the things we didn’t do more than the ones we did. Step out of the box society has put you in since you were born. Jump out of the plane, run with the bulls, dive in the cave, and be outrageous. If you die doing it, at least you will have died LIVING
4. You don’t understand the extent of your freedom, the meaning of privilege, and the value of the dollar until you have spent extended time outside the United States of Anxiety
5. If you’re not laughing often, it might be time to refresh how and who you’re spending your time with
6. Protect your mornings. Start slowly and with things that support your mental, physical, and emotional health–this is the easiest way to increase your percentage of “great days”
7. How much is self-imposed isolation contributing to your depression? Or how much is quality time with friends contributing to your joy & meaning in life? Do more of one and less of the other.
8. “Have a smile for breakfast, you’ll be shitting joy for lunch.” – Nicomo Cosca, ‘Best Served Cold’
9. Grow up in your mind but not in your body
10. Remember that saying, “you’re the average of the 5 people you’re closest too.” This applies to happiness.
11. Master the dance between hyper-focus & play–periods of intense focus & a clear agenda of what needs to get done should create space to disconnect and immerse yourself in all the goodness that surrounds you, but you can’t enjoy that if you’re spending 30, 50, or 70% of your waking life glued to a screen
12. Recipe for happiness: quality sleep, screen time under 2 hours per day, spontaneity, hell yes or not at all, laughing with people you love, learn something new, experience novelty, get out of your comfort zone, immerse in nature, and move your body.

INNER-PEACE

1. “Two roads diverged in a wood and I, took the one less traveled by.” – Robert Frost
2. Enlightenment is the space between our thoughts.
3. Do you risk what you have for things you don’t need or want in the first place?
4. Obsessing over your pattern of decisions/actions > obsessing over right/wrong/good/bad

5. The iPhone will be remembered as both the greatest invention and most detrimental dopamine snack of our society in the 21st century

6. Most of our successes in life have a lot more to do with luck and a lot less to do with skill than we’d like to admit

7. Is this the simplest solution? Is this aligned with my core sense of values and the type of life I want to live?

8. Peace of body has to come before peace of mind

9. If something “might happen,” try to remind yourself to stop worrying about it. You’ll deal with it when and if in the unlikely chance, it actually happens. As Mark Twain once said, “I’ve worried about a great many things, most of which never happened.”

10. Get clear on the true long-term and 99.9% of everything demanding your time, attention, anxiety, and worries fades away

11. “Better to do it, than to live with the fear of it.” – The Bloody Nine aka Logan Nine Fingers aka Lam

12. Keep your standards to yourself and build tolerance for others–there is peace in becoming less demanding and more accepting.